I think I will ponder...

Ponder: to weigh in the mind, to think about, to reflect on. 

I don't ponder enough.

Just pause and ponder.

Often, I will think in the same pattern. From that pattern, I assume, speak, and move on. I have a way that works to think and act, a way that is known, understood, and comfortable. Brought to you by business, by the pursuit of instant gratification, and by instant understanding. 

But what ever happened to my awe? To my amazement of life? To my pondering.

Have I stopped to think of where I'm standing now, versus where I was standing then? To wonder and awe after Who my God is and what He has done and what that means for me?

 Oh, the places I've gone and the people I've met. Oh, the pursuit of my Jesus in my life. The miracles. The answered prayers. Have I become like the ten lepers and forgotten to thank God? To go back, and dwell at His feet in awe and thanks? Hmm.

I wonder. 

I wonder what the meditation, awe, and pondering of truth through the Gospel and through Scripture would do for my mind. For my heart. And for those who are always around me.

I imagine I'd be humbler. Smaller. And more aware of and reliant on the two-sided nature of my relationship with God.

One time, I was driving with a dear friend. She looked up at the sky, whose sun was setting so naturally and wonderfully. She looked up and said something along the lines of, "I don't want to lose my awe." 

The pressures of this life, the days cares, and the potential problems steal my awe, my wonder, and the possibility of my pondering. 

I want to change that. 

So today, I think I will ponder.

Ponder, reflect on, and awe after. 

I will ponder the most extravagant gift my dear friend gave me once. 

I will ponder the Broadway show my sister took me to see in the most beautiful theater.... ever.

 I think I will ponder the friend who so excitedly offered to push me in a wheelchair through the airport when I sprained my foot.

 I will stop to think about the dog whose eyes make my heart melt (wow, she's mine).

 I will ponder the hugs, hand holds, and arms of the people who have sat with me in tears and anguish during my darkest times. I will ponder the friend who gave me more than she'll know by the look in her eyes and the love in her arms when my beloved grandma passed when I was out of the country.

 I will dwell on the gift of AirPods from a team who knew how much I loved to listen to music. 

I will ponder the cuddles I got from the cutest baby in between moments of a hectic season. 

I will awe after the passionate and genuine worship of my brothers and sisters in Christ, sung and lived out to the only One.

 I will ponder the servant heart that caused that man to move his entire family down to the south to serve homeowners after Hurricane Katrina. 

I will never stop pondering the provision of Jesus and the love of my family that caused them to raise 2,000 dollars so I could go and love in Kentucky and in Mexico.

To this small glimpse of all there is, I will ponder. Oh, I hope to ponder the rest of the days of my life.

What will you ponder today?

I remember the days of old: 

meditate on all that you have done;

    I ponder the work of Your hands." 

Psalm 143:5

~Ash